The Typhoon

You might imagine there have been goings on over the past four months. And you would be right.

But instead of that, let’s live in the now, and just get on with it, yeah? The problem with that is that I don’t quite know where to begin. Which means this is probably going to end up being one of those list-type posts. With numbers and crap! Here’s the official Only-In-Japan-Kids-list for the week of September 22, 2008:

1) The last time I was going to go see a movie, we got to the theatre seven and a half hours late. That’s actually not the point. Nor is the point that there was a typhoon raging outside - it hadn’t even impacted the screening scedule! However, upon choosing to have dinner instead, we discovered exhibit a) Fresh towels in the entrance for people to try to make themselves less dripping wet. It’s a grand concept, almost up there with Hello Kitty Toilet Paper.

2) Hello Kitty Toilet Paper. I’m not sure, but maybe somebody, somewhere, crossed The Line when I wasn’t watching. I mean, really?

There you go.

3) Pen-twirling. It’s the next big thing. Or the last one, damned if I know. But it’s still big enough to warrant its own display in the fabulous Tokyu Hands store in Shinjuku, They’re not taking any chances on letting this thing pass them by, I can tell you that much. Of course to begin with, you need to acquire the probper technique. This is not easy. Thankfully, people have been bored in class/meetings/while meeting the in-laws for the first time for a while now, meaning the field has been extensively researched. Now you too can enjoy the fruits of those last 10 000 years of human evolution, as long as you have a Region 2 DVD-player, and 2940 yen to spare. But of course, what use is a DVD, if you have nothing to practice with? For that reason, the boffins (damn you, boffins!) have developed special twirl-friendly pens that will allow the user to... make a strong statement to everyone around that he’s (women have better things to do, at least that’s what I’d like to imagine) so boring he’s even practiced his being boring - or at least bored - at home. Here you go, this one’s for you:

Further explanation redundant

4) There was a show the other night on TV (if you by “the other night” mean “May ‘07”, and by “TV” mean “TV”) where they were doling out legal advice on what to do, should you be falsely accused of groping someone on the subway. Apparently this is a major social issue in the country I live in. There are “women only-cars” on the trains during rush hour - I double dare you to break the social convention and actually ride in one (given that you, dear reader, is a man; it wouldn’t really be that big a deal if you are of the fair sex)! But yes, the problem has escalated so that people who get unjustly accused of groping are standing up, and with one voice, they scream from the top of their lungs: We want a portable subway strap for five bucks that shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are innocent; our hands were busy carrying this stupid plastic thing around, so there’s no way we could be groping! I still say the guy on the right could hold his files with his elbow and get a free feel in, but maybe I’m being too cynical.

Look out!

5) Ok, maybe I don’t really have a five, but have I ever ended a list with an atual entry in the list, and not one of these stupid things to use as filler? Thought not.

And that’s your kettle of fish for the week/next four months. But before I go on my merry way and try to publish this thing (which probably won’t be as easy as I hope it will), there is something I should direct your attention to. I tried finding it on YouTube, but for some reason it’s not there, and the site it’s on won’t allow me to embed it here, so I’ll just have to link it the old fashioned way. I’m sure it’s meant to be funny, but maybe not in the way it actually is. And somehow, it must have been officially sanctioned by The Company, given the environments in the video. But no, you don't have enough spare time to waste by watching this.


Beverage of the Week #12
Name: Café Use blend coffee
Catchphrase: "It’s coffee"
Price/volume: 430 yen for like 150ml
Place/time of purchase: Café Use (well duh), Shimo-Kitazawa, 16:02
Particular Point of Interest: The first café in all Japan I’ve been to that makes a point of not putting sugar or milk in the coffee. Also the first café in all Japan I’ve been to that plays music with the main lyrichs are “Sugar in my coffee”. Depending on who you ask, this could teach Alanis Morisette a thing or two about irony.
Taste: Like I could actually get used to drink coffee if it tasted like this.

Overall score (package/taste): 6/A