Not quite as many as you might think though, take it easy now. First of all, there’s all the crazy “I didn’t see that one coming” type-deals. For example, Autumn! I mean, what the h****? See, that extra asterisk makes it completely impossible to tell which word I’m aiming at. Could it be “helix”, or maybe “hello”; surely not the obvious answer: “helve”?
Yeah, I’ll just go play scrabble now.
Ok, back now, hope you enjoyed the break in our regularly sceduled programming. So yeah, autumn. Really? Does this mean I shall have to take out some sort of coat to wear to work? Surely not! This is Japan, and while they have yet to perfect the one-person electrical heating system (surely by next winter, though!), there is no need for a coat yet. The reason for this is that Japanese autumn, thus far, is a wuss. I’d say “sissy”, but that’s one of those words that by taking it in your mouth and making it your own, you sort of become that word, or what it means, rahter. Kind of like “extraneous”.
Man, I thought I was all scrabbled out, but apparently I was mistaken. Sorry ‘bout that.
Getting back on track (not that I can remember getting on track in the first place, but yeah), you have not lived until you have witnessed a middle-aged Japanese man in a suit try to parallel-park a Hummer H2. Yes, I know it’s the “tiny” model, but if that was your first thought, they you do not realize the magnitude of this situation. The entire population of Sweden is gathered here in a 35-mile radius from my house (and no, I don’t mean all my neighbors are blond, blue-eyed, and have a strange affinity for the outdoors and eating fish eggs on hard bread). Nine million people. Approximately 34 parking spaces for them to share. Which means that when I said before that the rent on a parking space by my building is pretty much what I paid for my 920 square feet apartment when I was a student in Sweden, I am not kidding. Supply and demand, my friends, or at least demand. Supply apparently took the day off, and was last seen heading towards Cancun. He was never spotted in the lower 48 (or at least Japan) ever again.
Sadly, I didn’t have the cohones to actually take a picture of the situation, so if you have problems visualising, feel free to use Google, or maybe that newfangled YouTube (you see, it kind of sounds like “You too!”) that them thar rotten kids are always screaming at me (?).
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Yes, it’s the return of the three dashes to mark a new section! Yay! And in this one, I shall examine... vegetables! And ham! For you see, on my way home from the gym, I stopped off to have some vegetable tempura (look at me, being all healthy and aware-like! Probably won’t happen again. Ever). I also did some other shopping of the food kind. Now, putting aside that one banana is like two bucks, and that the money you’d have to spend on four tiny tomatoes could allow some people (me) to live the good life for a fairly long time, the story of the day is the ham. For you see, people are starting to see this whole overpopulation of the Earth-thing as a problem. To paraphrase an old teacher of mine: imagine a world with six billion humpback whales. Not much room for anything else.
But yeah, that’s not the point (surprise!). The point is that, the boffins (God, I love that word!) have figured out that you can feed more people if said people eat veggies instead of meat. For years, the meat-lobby has stood firm, arguing... well, basically not arguing anything, since people still love their meat. But now, change is coming. After my delicious veggie tempura, I tried to get back to my normal over-consuming self by purchasing ham. And what is written on the pack? “Vegetables are tasty” Seriously! Do I not feel bad enough already? Do you have to remind me that not only am I missing out on eating something that’s a) good for me, 2) good for the Earth (or comparatively less bad, anyway), but also something that’s actually tasty? Three darts is too much man, indeed.
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Finally, this has nothing to do with Japan at all. But I found this blog the other day... It’s kind of freaky. Have you ever had that feeling, you know, walking around town, looking somebody in the eye and immediately think “Whoa, I’m sure that dude is actually an American expat living in Sweden, writing about his experiences of Sweden and Swedishness just like I’m living in Japan, writing about my experiences of Japan and Japaneseness. ” Ever get that feeling? Maybe it’s just me. But there are loads of expats writing about loads of experiences in loads of countries. So to spice things up further, this guy is from a place I am going to visit in a couple of months time, and he’s now living in Linköping, home of my dear University. Still not freaked out? Then your heart is made of stone, there is nothing more I can do here. Bet you didn’t cry when your mom told you that Mr Wiskers was just going on a long vacation in the country either, huh?
That, my friends, is essentially your kettle of fish. Except for:
Beverage of the Week #13
Name: Aquarius
Catchphrase: "Hey man, it’ll stick around for approximately 2150 years. Either that, or we named it after what we thought that catchy 60’s tune by The Fifth Dimension was called. We were apparently mistaken."
Price/volume: 98 yen for 500ml
Place/time of purchase: Foodium, Musashi-kosugi, 20:48
Particular Point of Interest: Aquarius is an (surely not “the”?) official drink of the International Olympic Commission. And no, I did not just make up “Foodium”.
Taste: Like if I had brought this climbing Mount Fuji, I would still be able to drink it, unlike Pocari Sweat. And yes, the whole point of that sentence was to inform you that I have climbed a very high mountain in Japan. Mainly by buss, but come on, it’s the 21st frikkin’ century!
Overall score (package/taste): 7/B+
