The Tomato

Sure I'm a week late. Or am I? Maybe you were just a week early? (And it turns out that, no, you're not, and yes, I am)

In other news, I know this girl. This may come as a shock to those of you who actually know me, but it's true. What's so special about this girl that she deserves being mentioned here? Well, she owns a book about avocados. And one about tomatoes. This, to me, is absolutely gorgeous. It gets better. For you see, this weekend, I went with her to Odaiba. For those of you not in the know, allow me to inform you that not only does Odaiba host one of metropolitan Tokyo's two beaches (swimming not recommended, according to Wikipedia, so I've never tried it) and a replica of the Statue of Liberty, it also contains a Toyota showcase. Where there's a car that looks like a big tomato. With several small tomato-touches to increase the level of tomato-ness.

Sadly, it doesn't run on Bloody Marys. Apparently

Of course, the tomato-loving girl in question was overjoyed at the sight of this thing, and it's not hard to understand why. I mean, I eat a tomato every morning (as well as other things, preferably on bread) but without being a complete tomato lunatic, I could see it's appeal here in the land of, well, lets just say Japan and leave the rest up to your imagination.

Now I'm sure you think I'm going to spend this entire post blabbering on about tomatoes. Nothing could be further from the truth! I shall, instead, blabber on about other things. Like global warming, and - in an increasingly rare moment of actual segueing - cars/commuting. From the last post! For you see, there are a few reasons why I don't own a car, despite quite often ending up in really-really-wanna-buy-ville, population one. I'd like to say the main one is global warming, but of course it isn't. Not really. It's more the combination that getting a parking lot here would add US$200/month to my rent. And that gas is hitting US$1.60/liter (yeah, that tops six bucks a gallon), meaning I could get a car, but then I'd actually have to live in is as well. Have you any idea how hard it is to cook spaghetti in the back of a Prius? Thought so. Anyway, the other reason is that there are trains here, and trains that work well, run on time, that whole thing. Sure, they're overcrowded and full of ads, but that applies to the roads as well. Enter pet peeve #1783: The rolling advertising trucks clogging up downtown Shinjuku/Shibuya on any given weekend.

Like advertising trucks in the night

Now I can accept that a certain amount of physical distribution needs to go by truck, or at least need to go by truck if I'm too cheap to pay for somebody to ride a bike and get it for me from the port of Yokohama and too lazy to do it myself. But having these - by Japanese truck-standards - massive things cruising around making a nuisance of themselves for no other reason than "we want to sell ice cream using pictures of scantily clad ladies, but billboards cost too much" or "we want to sell whatever that second truck is selling using a picture of a fairly well-dressed smiling guy, but billboards cost too much" just irks me, for some reason. I'll just go ahead and lie down for a while.

That's better. Before I head off into the sunset, allow me to present you with this: It's a picture from Odaiba, which has in no way been altered by in-camera or in-Photoshop filters. Or any other such digital trickery! It just reminds me of a simpler GameBoy era, when everything was either green or grey. Or maybe, maaybe, black and white as well.

Fuji Television

And now: The beverage of the week!

Beverage of the Week #11
Name: Fanta Furufuru Shaker
Catchphrase: "Will you carbonate? You know, Jell-O? Will you? Really?"
Price/volume: 120 yen for 190ml
Place/time of purchase: Unknown, it was a gift
Particular Point of Interest: It's carbonated orange Fanta. So far so good. But it's also Jell-O. So you have to shake the can "at least ten times" before opening. Then you can suck down gelatinous chunks of... something, to your hearts content. At least if it's content with 190ml. Which, and I speak from experience here, it will be.
Taste: Like the illegitimate child of orange Fanta and, well, Jell-O. Not too bad, actually.

Overall score (package/taste): 6/B+

The Commute

I know it's not Sunday. Even in Hawaii.

You may feel the need to vent this frustration on someone. Or something. I suggest the morning commute. Ok, so maybe it's not solely responsible for me being three days late with the post, but it plays a large part.

For you see, as with most things, the Japanese like to go big with their commuting. Lots of trains, lots of stations, and above all, lots of people using lots of trains to go to lots of stations. In theory, this is all very well and good. I mean, if you've got all these trains and all these stations, it would be a shame if nobody used them, right? But this beautiful theory has a fatal flaw. All of the lots of people want to go use not lots of trains to go to lots of stations; they all want to use the same train to go to the same station. At the same time. More importantly, at the same time as you.

For the commutationally impaired masses living outside Tokyo, but for some reason still earn their daily croissandwhich in said metropolis, this is (probably) a problem. Me, I commute in the other direction, so I get to sit (sit, I tell you!) and smirk at "the other people" feeling justly superior in my choice of domicile. However. Upon changing jobs, it has become necessary to sometimes go in the opposite direction some mornings, crossing through downtown Tokyo and come out the other side, if you will. This is painful. How painful? Allow me to demonstrate:

The train.

Now I forgive you for thinking "Hey, that doesn't look too bad. It's just a lot of people on a platform, waiting for the next train." Have a closer look. At the doors. They are in a state of semi-openness, not because of my superhuman photographic timing skillz (although superhuman they may be!), but because there is not a single square inch of free space inside the train, and some people just can't live with waiting for the next one, so they squeeze in anyway, prompting the men in white gloves (not the ones with white coats, but close) to with all their might forcibly push the extruding salary man flabbyness (or, in my case, just general flabbyness, I guess?) into the train. And then they try to close the doors, the above is an example where someone is still in the way.

The funny thing? This behavior is what keeps the universe from imploding. For you see, if that final salary man had not tried to mutilate your groin with his shapely attaché case, he would have had to wait for the next train. And setting aside all the micro- and macroeconomic consequences that would have, it would mean one more person trying to get on the the next train. Which is gonna be pretty f-ing full as it stands. So we're all saving the world in three easy steps.

It's a good thing the powers that be have spotted this problem and are now doing everything in their power to alleviate the sitation. The first logical step, introduction of a new SuperHero!

Hey kids, it's Mr. Business!

The final thing that causes my life to be slightly less than 100% perfect? Going shopping on the other side of tracks as everybody's coming home at night. This means you have to face the human tide, equipped only with an (admittedly gorgeous) SAAB-bike. While going shopping back home used to be a physical challenge due to various hills, inclines or whatever you call them, doing it here is a mental one; try to get back before going insane from internalizing the anger at all these people going in the opposite direction, keeping you from your goal. Really, what is the problem with some people?

And now, a Tiny Sniper Special Event! I sure didn't think we'd ever reach this stage, but here we are. History in the making. Standing on the shoulder of giants, or whatever. The 10th Beverage of the Week!

And no, I'm not telling how you can get ten beverages of the week to take seven months.


Beverage of the Week #10
Name: Kinokuniya Omo
Catchphrase: "No way did we just put tap water in here!"
Price/volume: 120 yen for 350ml
Place/time of purchase: Aoyama 1-chome station/12:50
Particular Point of Interest: Kinokuniya is mainly a bookshop. Very good selection, I especially recommend their 6th floor.
Taste: It's water. Sold at a ridiculous price to people who really should know better. Tastes like, well uhm, water. Reminds me of my history teacher telling me we drink the same water that the dinosaurs pee-peed.

Overall score (package/taste): 4/B-

The Concept

It's not every week that you buy a new umbrella.

There have been two main events with which I wish to regale you this week. T-shirt shopping and breakfast with the prime minister of Sweden. In that order, though sadly otherwise without any relation to each other.

The first, and thus most important(?) - T-shirts! Finally, we are in that time of year when people realize that all their short-sleeve garments are soo 2007, and go out and buy new ones. Now I'm not one to care about other people, but it does mean that various stores try to profit from this. Now I'm not one to care about profit (or, indeed, "various stores"), but it does mean that they bring out new t-shirts for me to drool over. And then hand wash 30C, no tumble dry.

Now that I've (hopefully) got you thinking t-shirts, I've probably got you thinking Harajuku, fashion capital (well, one of them, anyway) of Tokyo. Either that, or you're thinking 990-yen cheap-ass white-tees from Uniqlo. If you are, however, combining these concepts, you are the winner of our little quiz.

Behold, the future of t-shirt shopping!

Or, indeed, the future of shopping, in general. See, a little less than a year ago, Uniqlo introduced this "concept store" (which is marketing-ese for "it's a really cool idea that's gonna cost a f-ton of money and will never ever make any noticeable ROI, but we see it as a tax-deductible brand-capital investment") where - and here's the kicker - all the clothes are t-shirts! Wait, that's not it... Where all the clothes are stuffed in plastic cylinders! Except for the jeans, that would just be silly.

Yes, when purchasing a t-shirt here, it's like you've traveled back to a vaguely 60's inspired retro-futuristic vision of "how people will consume goods in the 00's". Pretty cool stuff, then! I loves me some of that retro-futurism, big time!

Behold, the close-up of the future of t-shirt shopping!

It is at this point that I'd like to make a segue into the breakfast meeting, but regardless of how "with it" I am (enough with the retro-futurism, already! And that doesn't even make sense!), I did not head off to meet prime minister Reinfeldt wearing a t-shirt from the Uniqlo store in Harajuku. I did it in a plain white one from a Uniqlo, bought for song in Nagoya back in 2005. Good stuff. I also wore a shirt (and suit, underwear, etc; I even brought an umbrella!), but that's beside the point. The point(s), then:

1) I got to cross off another prime minister from the Grand List. Not like I spent hours one-on-one with him discussing how to tackle global warming (or how I opened the door in the face of his predecessor, and almost went to jail, as previously reported), or anything, but I still feel it counts as an achievement. Did I mention I wore a suit?

2) I learned that had he not gone into politics, he could so have ridden the Seinfeld wave in the 90's and gone into stand-up. He was genuinely funny at one point, and that was something I didn't expect.


Beverage of the Week #9
Name: Ribbon Citron
Catchphrase: "Ribbon City, population: Flavor"
Price/volume: 120 yen for 300ml
Place/time of purchase: Ebisu station/16:11
Particular Point of Interest: I wonder if that little red kid on the bottle has a name.
Taste: Like every other "cider" (lemonade?) in Japan. With a faint, but noticeable twist of lemon.

Overall score (package/taste): 7/D

The Rain

I always thought that finding the work/life balance just meant working as little as possible to maintain the fun parts of life. Until I got this gig.

If you do a Google search (and who doesn't, really?) for why we talk about the weather you get around six million hits. Ok, sure, if you're all smart and use quotation marks to weed out undesirables, you get 577. But that's still a lot! So I thought I'd add one more (?).

See, it's been raining this past week. This is... not the way it's supposed to be at times other than that lovely rain month that is June/July. And while I am generally a fan of rain, it's a sort of passive fandom. I suppose it's like being audited for tax evasion, I wholeheartedly agree that it should be done, just not to me (and no, I've never missed the filing date for my Form K4, thank you).

The good things about rain even when it's really cold and happening as you are outside are:

1) You get to play the power version of SalaryMan Bingo. For those of you joining us for the home game, this is a powered up version of SalaryMan Bingo. I guess the name kinda gives that away. Anyway, SMB - the kidz love to reuse their old acronyms - basically involves getting on a train at non-peak-rush hour, and guessing at which stop the two SalaryMan (looks like a superhero name, but yes, that's still the correct plural) sitting across from you discussing how easy it is to find the warp zone in the old SMB are going to depart the train. A seasoned Marunouchi-line traveller always bets on Kasumigaseki. But yes, the power version is basically the same, only this time, you get to take into account the extraordinarily mundane umbrellas they carry, to match their very likely far too expensive suits.

(incidentally, I had a Hillbilly moment this week when I told a colleague I had to get my suit dry cleaned for an event next week. So what if I only have one!)

2) You get to pass Chiyoda sushi, and have what the internet of five years ago would have called a Lost in Translation moment. Maybe it was the rain. Maybe it was my pronunciation. Maybe the clerk was hearing-impaired. Either way, when you have chosen your take-out sushi for the night, she asks "Chopsticks and soy sauce?" requiring input on if you have said articles at home, or would like some of theirs to bring with you. Being the proud owner of a pair of "Man Chopsticks" (I kid you not), and also being generally cheap, I ask for "only soy sauce, please". Having made a choice of three fine dishes I expected to be granted the standard three small packets. And I was. And then I was granted 20 more. I have no idea why, but I imagine it was because it was raining.

Another example of West Shinjuku trying to be like London. Wait, what was this post about again?

3) I can't really think of anything else, but in order to make a list, you really need three things, so here we are.

That's pretty much it, I guess. Short and sweet, just the way I like it. Be sure to tune in next week when I will have had my suit dry cleaned and had breakfast with the prime minister. 'Tis the truth, I tell you!



Beverage of the Week #8
Name: Kirin Nuda
Catchphrase: "No added sugar, no fruit juice" (then what the h*** is in there, really?)
Price/volume: 150 yen for 350ml
Place/time of purchase: Circle K /21:31
Particular Point of Interest: Looks invitingly like cheap sparkling wine, with a name to match.
Taste: You'd think a drink named something which is almost "nude" would be too good to be true. In reality, it's just not too good.

Overall score (package/taste): 6/F

The Job

Too good to be true.

To most people, working seven days in a row seems a bit much. Not cripplingly so, just a bit more than you'd really like, the same as when the guy comes in and tells you that you can get a free refill of Kimuchi with your Bibinba. No, I did not make either of those up. But yes, I'm on something of a Korean kick at the moment, at least a culinary one.

The reason for this "working week" is, as you are no doubt aware (surely!), that I have a new job. At my old job. Which is kinda cool. Or actually really cool, but I'm not sure I'm able to judge that after only having worked there for four days so I'll just drop it. For now. You have been warned. Instead, I give you this:

The Sakura goodness.

This, as they say, is Sakura. You may know it from how it seems to make every foreigner in Japan take random pictures of trees every spring. But you see now, in the words of Murray Walker, "they think it's all over, and it is." Because today is the second day of summer. Logically enough, the first day of summer arrived yesterday, what with yesterday being the first day that I spent outside that didn't necessitate wearing a sweater. Or a wool overcoat, for that matter. If it's almost twenty degrees at the start of April, you can imagine what it's gonna be like here by... mid-April?

This next picture is just here 'cause it looks freakishly similar in composition to the one above, but instead of trees, it prominently features various electrical cables. How very post-industrial of me! In the future, there will be no room for trees, due to all the wiring. And such.

A not uncommon sight. In the FUTURE.

---

Now, though, I'd like to talk to you about advertising. Sadly, it is not that this blog has been purchased by what is basically a giant grocer, but rather since I'm now at least partially into that most definitely evil field of work, I feel it is important to update the people around me on how they do things here. For today's presentation, I shall use two examples, one image, and zero added sugar.

First. When I went to the movies a while back with my good friend Tomo (As I've stated elsewhere on the internet, "there's a delicious pun in there somewhere, but not good enough to learn Japanese for"), I bought a drink. A soft drink, quite naturally, as I prefer to keep the hard liquor out of the theater. Now this soft drink, which shall remain unnamed (except to say that it was Coke - not New Coke, not Classic Coke, not C2, just plain Coke) came in a very handy cup, in order for me to be able to imbibe it when I saw fit, and not having to bring the entire Coke-machine into the place with me. However! The cup came with a lid. The lid came with a tiny-@$$ CD squeezed in there, complete with flash-ads for the cinema I was currently visiting, as well as ladies underwear. A fine combination. It is, and I quote "turning the lid into the perfect marketing tool." Another possible slogan might be: "LidRock® - It's no wonder we still haven't cured cancer."

Second. LidRock is all well and good, but you have to first realize there's a tiny CD there, then actually be dumb enough to bring the thing home with you and play it in your CD-ROM-drive (whatever happened to those things, anyway?) of choice. A far simpler solution would be be to have your prospective target register his/her commuter card (Suica) in advance, and then, when he or she sees an ad poster on a train that features something he or she would like to know more about, he or she can just hold up his/her commuter card (Suica) to the poster, which reads the card, consults the database for the registered email address associated with said card, and sends you an email about the product. Or you could just, you know, access the website. It's probably not that hard.

Suica registration is a beautiful thing.

And that was supposed to be it. But as I wrote that, the little ticker-thing I have at the bottom of the screen informed me that a US man just got 2.6M$ for the domain name pizza.com. It all feels very late-nineties, somehow.

Tune in next week as I will have worked all week! Again!


Beverage of the Week #7
Name: Pocket Juicer Stand Kiwi Smooie
Catchphrase: "As if you still don't have enough crap in your pockets"
Price/volume: 120 yen for 300ml
Place/time of purchase: Heiwa Park /15:00
Particular Point of Interest: The second in a series of two exclusive PJS-tests
Taste: If you really want that much kiwi, you should probably consider buying one. And possibly moving to New Zealand.

Overall score (not an average): 7/D

The Wait

It has been brought to my attention that a great deal of my posts start with the word "so".

In order to justify the fact that this post is tagged with "toilet cleaner, F1, exhibitionisms", I shall proceed to proclaim the following: I went to baseball. On a Wednesday.

For you see, it is not every day that the World Champion Boston Red Sox - and yes, that little bit of extra arrogance still bothers me, despite it probably being true - face off with the Oakland Athletics (which, by the way, is the far superior name for a baseball franchise). Ok, maybe it actually is every day, I don't know. But apparently the A's are moving to some place called Fremont, prompting affluent white young Bay Area Volvo-owning Americans to protest.

But that's not the point. Either. The point is that it was all on in Tokyo dome, filled with 55296 random people, and three guys I know from work. Upon arrival, half an hour before the opening toss, you'd be forgiven for thinking you'd walked in on NHK filming a special... I don't know, I honestly have no idea why you'd fill the entire infield with people doing their very best to convince the world they live and die by Bushido.

In the words of the entire internet, formal attire ftw wtf!

But all was not lost, or won, for that matter. There was still the little matter of watching the game. You'd think paying a quintuple digit amount of any actually existing currency for a seat would pretty much guarantee interest enough to pay attention, but no. It just guarantees that you have enough cash to buy the ticket so that you can proceed to watch the game. On your phone.

Sorry 'bout the flash there, buddy

I can understand how when - watch me name-drop corners from the Suzuka Circuit - sitting in the Spoon curve you might want to keep appraised of lap times and leader boards by, say, bringing along a tv and a frikkin' satellite dish. But at a baseball game? Where the action's always right in front of you and the scoreboard is right there? You might think it was for the color commentary, but the guy's not even bothered to produce his ridiculously tiny headphones. And no, that screen is so small that it sure ain't to watch the close-ups.

Sanctioned usage of television at sporting event

Now, though, there is but one thing left to do. And that is to say I went to Ikebukuro prior to the game. Once upon a time, I was there quite often, having to do with me living a mere hour and seventeen minute bike-ride away. Lately, though, living not-there has changed my Ikebukuro habits to the extent that I only ever go there to catch the night bus. Which, lemme tell ya, ain't that often, see? But this time, it was not for the bus. Nor for the sushi. Although that was good too. Hell, it wasn't even for the Bic Camera, despite the very convenient bathrooms. No siree, it was for Café Pause.

Which is a great name for a Café. Given the chance to get side-tracked, I'll jump at it with the strength of ten men and the sleepiness of a koala bear. For you see, it is not only in Sweden that hair dressers have "funny" or "funny" names:

I'm not sure this is a good thing

Anyway, back to Café Pause - and watch as I stick to just one subject all the way down to the rest of the post! There is currently an exhibition there. It's actually running for another week, so you still have time to make the money for the ticket, pay the fare, and go. Kinda. If you like ok latte and pretty pictures, it's definitely worth the trip. I went for the pictures, but I ended up staying for, well, for the pictures. It was really uplifting to see something genuinely beautiful, and genuinely depressing to come to the understanding that some people just see things in this world that I don't. And genuinely uplifting that those people are nice enough to show it to me. And I'll stop now.


Beverage of the Week #6
Name: Pocket Juicer Stand White Natadekoko
Catchphrase: "As if you don't have enough crap in your pockets already"
Price/volume: 120 yen for 300ml
Place/time of purchase: Heiwa Park /14:59
Particular Point of Interest: The first in a series of two exclusive PJS-tests
Taste: The first comment upon drinking this was, and I quote "why did they mix these white cubes of coconut with toilet cleaner? And why did I then proceed to purchase it?!"

Overall score (not an average): 7/F-

The Addiction

There's no way this can be healthy.

For the second time in what mere mortals refer to as a week, I have returned to the internets! But the last post was kinda different, so lets not count that one, and just get on with it. The reason for the getting on with it is that I've got a job!

Ok, before you go all nit-picky and try claiming that that's been true for all of the mighty fourteen months since I left the cradled world of university life, let me expand by introducing a modifier. I've got a new job! For those of you noble enough to have read the comments on the last post, I hinted at this opportunity there, and it has since come to fruition. In what's probably the fastest turn of events ever, I applied on Monday, got the call to come to an interview on Wednesday, had the interview on Thursday, and got the news I'd passed on Friday. In retrospect, Tuesday was quite uneventful.

So now that we've taken care of the important things, let's get down to what really matters, which in this case would be me detailing how wonderfully strange life in Japan is, and how small the world the world can be sometimes.

Exhibit A) In many cities, especially the ultra-urbanized city-centers, the issue of graffiti is one that has caused many a mayor sleepless nights. Whatever the basis or rationale for it, it is a fact of life in many cities. This is the part where I tell you about how ridiculously clean and efficient Japan is, because they've... abolished spray paint? Sadly however, this is not the case. I present you with the following evidence that in their heart of hearts, Japanese kids also just ache to take to the streets, chanting "Vi vill ha en lokal". (And yes, you are certainly entitled to ask what's the point of this thing being in English if I insist on making Swedish in-jokes all the time)

Ok, it's a crappy hard-to-read shot, but look close enough and I hope you'll agree Japanese graffiti lacks the punch of its American or even Swedish counterparts

Exhibit B) The other day, on one of my travels, I came across the following, which basically informs people that at this particular Pachinko establishment, patrons are not allowed to automize the process of losing all their money by fixing the handle in place.

Lots of Japanese squiggles, and a big STOP, basically

Update! Upon consulting my knee-deep-in-Pachinko mafia connections, it turns out that if you manage to fix the handle in the exact right place, you can just keep feeding the machine quarters or balls or squirrels (or whatever it is you feed it) and keep winning, well quarters or balls or squirrels, basically. Serves me right for only having played once (borrowing 500 yen and turning it into 5000 in five minutes is still my prime - and, sadly only - gambling achievement).

Exhibit C) Bet you were expecting me to change it up with a humorous "Exhibit 3" instead, huh? No dice, continuity cops! Instead, before the Beverage of the Week makes its celebrated return, I shall offer you this: It's the first ever - surely! - Japanese sighting of what nine million people know and cherish as Lösgodis, something which is best - though certainly not most accurately - translated as "loose candy" with a definite promiscuous air about it. The sighting took place in Roppongi (where else, really?), and upon reading the fine print, you'll see that getting 200g of the stuff (normally the prescribed amount for going to a non-romantic movie) will set you back 630 yen. Which is more than six $US. Which back in 1961 would have netted you 2437 yen. Which today... Yeah, I kinda lost me too.

(Not) Only in Japan, kids

So yeah, there you have it! And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for: A tirade about Copenhagen Airport. No, not the actual facility itself, but the album it's spawned. Normally, I'd think it was funny enough to have come across a find such as this at my local Tsutaya (think Blockbuster if your American, Patriks Video if you're not), but it doesn't end there, oh no! For you see, upon consulting the track list, one notices that there are several tracks there by a band called Physics. Which is all very well and fine, until - dadadaduuuum - you realize that that's the same Physics that my first Swedish Japanese teacher (hah!) played in. And probably still does, for all I know. So this means one of two things:

1) Either they've really made it big, are already famous from Tirana to Tashkent, and I'm just late to join the party (surely impossible!). OR

2) The world is really, really small. Which is kinda the point I'd like to make, so bear with me. First of all, the series of events that conspired to me living in Tokyokohama in the first place are kind of what the 80's kidz would call "whack". No less "whack" are those that conspired to have me walk in to Tsutaya with enough time on my hands to check not only movies, but also music. Not to mention those that had me find a two year-old album partly by a band my old teacher belongs/ed to, named after the airport that almost always takes me home and back. That's just freaky.

And now, your international moment of Beverage:


Beverage of the Week #5
Name: Hukkokudo Cream Cider
Catchphrase: "Add vanilla to your carbonated cream"
Price/volume: 120 yen for 300ml
Place/time of purchase: Heiwa Park /14:58
Particular Point of Interest: Something must have made me try it?
Taste: Carbonated cream is the next New Coke

Overall score (not an average): 7/D

The Fissel

So yeah, it finally happened. It was bound to, really, sooner or later.

Just a word of warning, this may very well turn out to be one of those (very, very few) posts which aren't so much fun for you to read as they are for me to write. It's all about catharsis, or something. It doesn't even have a Beverage of the timeperiod-since-the-last-post! Or pictures! Go on, treat yourself to something fun instead. I know this great little place called YouTube.

On Thursday, it's Vernal Equinox Day here in Japan. "But of course, they don't call it that, they call it" uhm, 春分の日, which just looks plain weird, wouldn't you say? For average Joa Tanaka (name changed to protect the actual identity of the caller), this is a day to revel in the arrival of Spring, and that his language is far more succinct than English with reagrds to Equinoxes, be they Vernal or Autumnal! And no, I did not just look that up.

It's also a day of mourning. For all the people who miss the winter here, with its let's-see-if-we-can-make-it-colder-inside-than-it-is-outside approach to global warming. I am not one of them. I can't be sure anymore, but I imagine I liked Swedish winter marginally better than the Japanese one, mainly on account of insulation being present in the buildings. But if my Swedish self heard me say that, he'd probably be all like "Yeah, you love the slush and rain, don't you, slush-and-rain-lover!". Apparently, my Swedish self is about seven years old.

Now, as I have previsouly detailed elsewhere, spring is a time of new beginnings, especially here in the land of 2 000 000 vending machines. The school year starts, the cherry blossoms do their thing, and everybody starts going to the park on Sunday because nobody else will probably have thought to do that yet (Yes, they will also be terribly wrong). And so, given that it feels kinda silly to go around in jacket made of actual winter (or should that be made of actual summer?) when it's 15 degrees out, our young hero dons his spring ditto, and heads out into the world.

The first thing you need to in spring is renew something. It's just the spirit of the thing. So instead of renewing things like my apartment (which would cost money) or my pledge to join a gym (which in an of itself wouldn't cost anything, but were it ever to be honored would cost heavily in percentage of body fat), I decide to go look for a job. At the company where I work.

Allow me some build-up-to-the-fall backgroundish reveling. I have never failed to get a job I've applied for. I leave it up to the all mighty Intranet to decide if this is indicative of me only applying for jobs anybody can get, or actually being infused from birth with magic, job-getting powers. I have, on occasion, been offered two jobs at the same time, and - not being ambitious enough to work 80 hours a week at one job, much less two - been forced to cherry-pick. It's all quite stressful. But as it turns out, monkeys apparently do fall from trees (much more colorful than "the sun has its spots", yeah? Joe Tanaka 2, Rest-of-world 0). Not all the time, though, that would just be silly. Also, it would eventually make them stop trying to climb the damn things in the first place, one would hope.

The most annoying thing about - queue overly drammatic Danny Elfman tune - faililng? I have nothing to complain about! The rationale behind the decision is solid, the way the news was delivered was considerate, and as far as I know, the guy deciding is - shock, horror - nice! How am I supposed to work around that, I ask you?

So esentially, for all intents and purposes, this has been a very roundabout way of saying excuse me while I go wallow in chocolate. And then head to the park. It'd be a shame not to, really, on a day like today.

The Logistics

A lot of things can happen in, uhm, four months?

So yes, I'm back! By actual public demand! With exclamation marks! Now you may be thinking that this hiatus occurred because so many interesting things happened in my life that I just did not have the time to write about them. Or, you may be thinking, that so few interesting things happened in my life that it took all this time to scrape together enough stuff to fill this post (which so far isn't really about anything at all, further strengthening that theory). You would, however, be wrong.

Damn it, what did my creative writing teacher say about not being rude to the audience? Come on, focus!

I guess what it all comes down to is that circa October/November 2007, when the entire Western World congregated on Facebook, and the entire Eastern World (which obviously exists entirely of the Islands of Japan) did the same on Mixi and 2-chan (at once!), what little relevance this thing used to have went out the window. The Personal Blog is Dead, and all that. But you know, it's just not. So now that Global Warming has smiled on me to the extent that I was able to sit on the balcony and finish off a book this fine morning, I think it's time again. Feel free to bear with me, if you care for puns of that particular nature.

Snow! In Tokyokohama!

That being said, the picture is the view from the very same balcony mere days(-ish) ago. And I did go snowboarding ten days ago. If by "snowboarding", you mean... Here, the old - or rather, young - me would have gone with something like "if you mean falling on your ass much to the merriment of all around", but boarding actually went pretty well. I guess my extensive surfing experience - having failed spectacularly at it on two separate continents - really helped. Not like I was instantly transformed into *pauses to google "world famous snowboarder"* Terje Haakenson *curses at realization that the article is three Olympics old* but by the end of the first day I could turn, and by the end of the second, I could imagine I looked like Terje Haakenson doing it. Naturally, pausing to imagine that broke my concentration and made me fall on my ass, but there you have it.

While the above alone would easily qualify it as one of the top three ski/board-trips of my life, there was more. Logistics, for instance. Now I did not major in it, and I guess it showed. For you see... Taking it from the proverbial top, the story goes: Our hero gets on the night bus in Ikebukuro at 23:00 to arrive in Hakuba at 07:30 the following morning. Only he doesn't, because the tour operator somehow "misplaces" his reservation. A full hour - I shit you not - of the one guy in the suit calling somebody else - probably not wearing a suit, given the hour - and I'm on the bus. Groovhey.

Logistics-failure #2. The first night is spent with friends who came up from Gifu. Unfortunately, they had to cut the trip short due to a slight relationship/communication SNAFU, meaning I was left on my own for the second day. No matter, the second team of friends were incoming to rescue me from riding lifts with Japanese people who, when I told them I was from Sweden, asked which country I was from. At least they had the courtesy not to believe it was Spain. Or Switzerland.

Logistics-failure #3. The second friend-team had also split up on that day, one half heading home. This in and of itself was not a failure, it was part of the original plan. What wasn't, however, was that the driver's cornea would start to come loose. This, as I am sure you can imagine is not entirely pleasant. So having joined up with team #2, we pack it up and start heading back to Tokyo to take over the driving, to much protestations from the gallant driver. Thankfully though, his condition stabilizes and nothing happened on the way back.

And now, having suffered three logistics-failures in one trip, the sun finally shines. As I'd rented my board and gear in Hakuba, with no way of returning it in the middle of the night when we unexpectedly left for home, I had to return it someway. But to the delight of everyone, the fact that I now knew the Japanese word for cornea meant I could explain things to the rental-place, who let me off without even having to pay for the extra day it would take to return the gear via Kuroneko Yamato ("black-cat ancient Japan", basically Fed-EX. Not UPS!). Thank you Japan, good night!

Feel free to tune in next week - which if the past is any judge will occur sometime in mid-June - as I will have gone to Disneyland! Or I could just be making that up.


Beverage of the Week #4
Name: Ambasa Sour White
Catchphrase: "Ambassaaaaa!"
Price/volume: 120 yen for 300ml
Place/time of purchase: Bus station in Kawasaki /22:12
Particular Point of Interest: It's Ambasa, does it really need one?
Taste: Heavy on the White, light on the Sour

Overall score (not an average): 7/B

The Escape

A lot of things can happen in two fortnights.

I knew it was too ambitious. The project was doomed from the start. It was one of those things that seemed like such a good idea on paper, that once it was realized it would change the world. Not unlike the entente cordiale or possibly chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I am of course referring to the Beverage of the Week, the incredible new (going by the actual number of posts) old (going by the amount of time since the first one) feature of this here blog. And today, as ever, it's a doozy.

However, as I sit here in my increasingly cold apartment (I have got to get in on that space heater action, soonish), there are other things that weigh on my mind. The first? Escape the cold. It's all very Maslowian. Now, to escape the cold (without resorting to purchasing a space heater or wearing actual clothing), you can, well, escape. This, in turn, provides you with two options: North or South. Not a very big idea to escape the cold by running East or West, although I guess it is colder in central Siberia than it is in Stockholm.

So? I tried it. But since I can't really decide on a direction, I figured I go for South-western Tohoku (again, "there's a delicious pun in there, but certainly not good enough to warrant extensive Japanese language study"). Or just Tohoku, whatever. There's a place there called Matsushima, which is one of Japan's "Big three sights". They do love their lists here, or so says Lonely Planet of five years and three editions ago.

Who knew? There are green, flat things in this country!

Day 1: Weather not great. Sights? Definitely top three

Day 1: Weather improved. Sights? Certainly not top anything

Now there are also some quaint features of heading out into the countryside in Japan. Like how you have to push a button to open the train doors (we almost missed our stop! What's next, manually having to push it open?!), or how you can actually smell salt in the air. Once. But it still counts. Don't get me wrong. Coming from a metropolis of 8500 souls, I should not be one to mock the laid-back country lifestyle. Especially when they've got elevators like this:

Welcome to 1984

So yeah, that would be the first attempt at escape. The second one? having tried all directions at once, I decided to stay in and unpack. My entire life. With bits slightly broken and tattered, but overall ok. For you see, I am once again the proud owner of all my junk. And some exciting new junk as well, so that I can display my old junk properly. It's the greatness! Took a fair while to get it all together, though, but at least it is now done (except a tiny pile of things that just don't seem to want to end up anywhere but on the floor, for some reason. Think I'll keep it there).

Of course, that stunt didn't prove effective for very long, before you knew it, I was back in reality again. So if escaping didn't work, and not escaping didn't work, surely escaping again would, right? Flawless logic. Which is why I shall be traveling to the tiny Pacific island of Saipan with someone very dear to my heart, in what is practically only a week's time! Ten glorious days of, and I am quoting here, "Sola och bada, pina colada". And no, I can't be bothered to make the squiggly thing above the "n". Won't be drinking that anyway.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! Or at least the lead-up to it. Kind of a theme, this week. Is it any wonder I chose to live in this country, where the donut-ads are 8-bit throwbacks and the soda made from RPGs? (and no, I don't work at Fox News; it's not that kind of RPG)

Mr Donut will be crowned King Donut based solely on this ad. At least he should, damnit!

Beverage of the Week #3:
Name: FFVII Potion Limited Edition (Tifa version)
Catchphrase 1: "Guano bowls, collect the whole set!"
Catchphrase 2: "Gotta catch 'em all!"
Price/volume: 200yen for 350ml
Place/time of purchase: Maruetsu/16:36
Particular Point of Interest: You're never gonna find one with Aeris on it. Also, it's prime ingredient is "Royal Jelly", something sure to turn the stomach of any Futurama fan
Taste: Way better than you might think, given the packaging and, well, concept in general

Overall score (not an average): 9/B+